With cooperative values, we shape the future

And not only that. They also lead us out of constant stress and conflict.

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We are currently seeing all too clearly where ego-driven behaviour, going it alone and the pursuit of dominance lead. Authoritarian and aggressive behaviour destroy what has been built up over the long term. That is no way to shape the future.

What makes us cooperative adults?

From my perspective as a transactional analyst and coach, there are two key factors: a functioning Adult ego state and a fundamental attitude of mutual respect.

The Adult ego state is the state in which we act in a conscious, genuine, open, relationship-oriented and solution-focused manner. We listen and pay attention, observe without judgement, seek facts, verify information, consider options for action, and acknowledge our feelings, emotions and thoughts. We engage in communication with others, ask questions, are open to feedback, and bring a willingness to negotiate and compromise. Decisions are not demonstrations of power, but expressions of a willingness to learn, respect and responsibility.

Cooperative adults and leaders adopt the ‘I’m OK – You’re OK’ approach, which is based on mutual recognition and respect. Responsibility is not shifted onto others in the sense of finding ‘culprits’; rather, the focus is on the joint search for constructive solutions of all kinds, whether in a private or professional context, such as within a team or in leadership.

Unfortunately, our reality often looks very different. Dynamics of power and victimhood emerge. Serious examples can be found daily in the media, politics and corporate communications. It is always ‘the others’ who are to blame.

If we react from the Parent ego state (preachy, controlling, domineering, rescuing, overprotective) or from the Child ego state (rebellious, fearful, avoidant, overly emotional, conformist), cooperative dialogue breaks down. This leads to conflict rather than cooperation.

If we observe and recognise ourselves, we can return to our Adult-Self. Here we have resources at our disposal: our composure, creativity, attentiveness, relational strength, our own judgement and our values. This is our identity.

When children and young people observe us in this state, we become a life-affirming role model for them.